phenix random
by spode's favorite joke
Summary: (this story is old so please check out my profile if you want to see higher quality fiction.) RANDOMNESSSS! XD LOL CONTAINS THE YOWEES IF YOU DONT LIKE IT DONT READ IT ANYWAI READ FIC NAO :3 t because of things that are bad like violence
1. prologue

turnabout butt: prologue

It was dark and stormy outside, clouds covering up the vibrant glowing moon and raining. On top of the district court was two men. One of them was a holly jolly fellow with a white beard and a candy cane sword, and the other was a man with an orange jacket and spiky hair.

"I FOUND YOU, FAKER!" shouted the man with the candy cane.

"Faker? I think you're the fake santa around here. You're comparing yourself to me? HA! You're not even good enough to be my-"

"I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS!"

"You wont even get the chance!"

Santa stabbed the other man with the candy cane sword. HE WAS KILLED!

"I gotta hide this body... WHo do I blame it on?" He looked down and saw a poster of the Blue Badger on a tree. "Him! He's also on the naughty list!"


	2. chapter 1

chapter 1 : b4 the trial

Phoenix woke up to see Maya clawing at his couch viciously. Her pupils were mere slits, and her sharp fangs had impaled through a juicy burger. She stared up at the horrified lawyer, and spoke without letting go of the sandwich.

"Nick... Burg... Burg... Burg..." Maya kept repeating the word, "Burg", and tearing the couch into shreds. She only grew louder and higher in pitch. The couch was now in pieces, with Wright stepping backwards, terrified of Maya's descent back into her primal form. The pieces of the couch floated into the air, and slowly turned into burgers. Maya shredded the burger that she already had with her razor-sharp teeth, and then swallowed it. Then, she shot out a long, chameleon tongue, and proceeded to grab and eat the burgers with it. Soon, every burger was consumed by the beast that was once a Fey.

Maya looked up at Phoenix Wright. She had a smile on her now usual face.

"...So, did you have any luck in finding clients, Nick?"

* * *

Edgeworth was sitting in his office, secretly looking at photos of his mystery crush.

"I wish I could confess my undying love to her, but that would be OOC and against my Tsundere personality..." angsted the poor man. His manly anime tears dropped onto the photos, but then he realized something: He was Edgeworth; An Edgeworth could not cry. His tears floated back into his tear ducts, he got up from his chair, put on his pink suit, and stepped out the door.

* * *

After recovering from the trauma of that terrible experience, Phoenix decided to pretend that never happened and watch the news while drinking coffee. Nobody had been dying lately, and that was bad. He wouldn't be able to pay the rent or keep up with Maya's burger addiction! But then, he saw the news.

"Breaking news! People were horrified to find a man on top of the district court impaled by a candy cane! He has been identified as Larry Butz, and the suspect has been arrested."

Phoenix spat his coffee at the screen in shock. "Larry's dead!?" He wondered who was arrested.

"The suspect is the once widely loved Blue Badger, mascot of the police department. People never thought their beloved Blue Badger would turn on them like this."

Phoenix stared blankly. "Who was the person in the mascot suit?"

The TV, as if it was able to hear him, responded. "The Blue Badger isn't a mere mascot suit, it is an actual real living being. I heard that, Mister Phoenix Wright of Wright and Co. Law offices, whose social security number is-"

The broadcaster was cut off by Phoenix turning off the TV. "This seems kind of bogus, but I might as well go..."

Maya turned around, tears in her eyes. "Nick... Would the Blue Badger really...?"

Phoenix shook his head. "I'm not sure when or why the Blue Badger became a living being, but I wouldn't think the mascot of the police department would commit murder..."

"Well, we have to defend him, just like he has done for us all these years!" And with that, the two set off, unaware of a camera attached to Phoenix's suit.


	3. chapte 2

chapter 2: the tension center

Phoenix got on his bicycle because he's pathetic and doesn't have a driver's license. Maya was in a wagon tied to the bike. Phoenix called it the Justicemobile at first, but then he was sued, and he changed it to the Wrightmobile. He rode off , heading to the detention center. He stopped at every burger joint on his way, as not to incur Maya's wrath.

Soon, they arrived at the detention center. "Remember Mister Lawyer, visiting hours end in one hour." spat one of the guards, hissing like a cat.

Phoenix gasped. How long had he spent at those burger joints! And was Maya smoking a joint!? He grabbed the joint and tossed it out the window, then gave her a tape of Cartoon All-stars to the Rescue. Maya gave him a glare but nothing more.

One of the security guards carried a cardboard cutout of the Blue Badger to the glass window.

"Uh, where's my actual client?"

The guard squinted at Phoenix as if the lawyer was dumb. "That _is_ your client, sir."

"But it's just a cutout!"

However, before he could finish the sentence, the guard left.

"Maybe we should ask him where he was on the day on the murder?" said Maya.

Phoenix sighed. "Fine. Mr. Badger, where were you on the day the crime took place?"

No response.

"...We're doomed."

* * *

Edgeworth was at his office, waiting for something to happen. He had already gathered all the info on the case that he needed to win the trial except for the autopsy report, which would arrive soon.

He grabbed a photo of the one he loved from his suit pocket wistfully. "Oh, back then, I never spoke the right words to you, and now it's over..."

The door to his office slammed open, and Edgeworth hurriedly put the pictures back in his pocket. "Is the autopsy report finished yet, Detective-" Before he could finish his sentence, he heard a piercing beep.

"PHIEF CROSECUTOR MEEKINS REPORTING, SIR!"

The astonished prosecutor stared at him. "...What."

Chief Prosecutor Meekins froze. "You didn't know, sir?! I got promoted, sir!"

Edgeworth buried his head in his hands. _This may end up being the worst thing that ever happens to me._ he thought. _...Just roll with it. It'll be over faster if I just ignore it._ "...What is it?"

"I came to tell you to give Detective Gumshoe a raise, sir! He also has the autopsy report, sir! That's all!" And with that, the chief prosecutor that should have never been jumped out the window, and the poor detective entered the office.

"Here's the autopsy report, sir," said Gumshoe .

Edgeworth took the file from him. "By the way, Detective. I hope you'll be looking forward to your next salary review soon."

"Y-yes, Mr. Edgeworth..." As he was about to leave, he was stopped by Edgeworth.

"You'll be receiving a raise."

Gumshoe spun around, his eyes sparkling with joy. "R-really?!"

Eggwhirl nodded. "Yes-"

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you sir! I'll work as hard as I can! So you won't be disappointed!" Gumshoe ran out the door in happiness.

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"


	4. chapter 3

chapter 3: the investigation begins

Phoenix sighed as he left the detention center. "That certainly didn't get us anywhere..."

"Well, we can't just let the Blue Badger get a guilty verdict, Nick!"

"...It's cardboard, Maya."

"What if they brought in the fake one because they didn't want us to defend him!?"

"We shouldn't be jumping to any conclusions when we have no evidence, Maya."

"Maybe we should investigate the crime scene so we have some?"

"There isn't really anything else we can do at this point..." Phoenix got onto his bike. "So, we might as well." The two headed off towards the crime scene.

* * *

Two figures stood in a dark room, only illuminated by a lightbulb swining on a chain. Posters of anime girls were plastered across the pale gray walls, and a table sat in the center. On said table were several cups of coffee, a draw your own manga book, and a feather covered in blood.

"7H3Y ST1LL H4V3N7 N071C3D US?/?/ ROFL!1!111" said one of the figures obnoxiously.

"Guess not," replied the other one, seemingly ignoring their accomplice's verbal 1337SP34K.

"WH3N D0 Y0U 7H1NK 7H3Y W1LL?"

"Honestly, it don't matter. But when they do, we'll launch our plan quicker than a ghost can dissipate!"

"Y34H!1!1!11 ...WH47 W4S 0UR PL4N 4G41N?/?/?/"

* * *

Phoenix parked the Wrightmobile beside the district court, only to be greeted by the sight of a bunch of police trying to climb up onto the roof. /Can't they use a ladder or something?/

One of the policemen turned around. "Hey look everybody it's Jimmy John Justice in his Justicemobile!" All of the police laughed, several accidentally letting go of the district court building. Nobody died though so it was alright.

Phoenix walked over to the building. _Well, I could get up there if I had a ladder..._

He was broken out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. "You won't be investigating murders any time soon, pal!"

Phoenix spun around and saw Detective Gumshoe behind him.

"Well, if you can't climb it, that is... Nobody's been able to get up onto the roof yet."

The lawyer was about to leave to look for a ladder, but Maya stopped him. "Nick. There's only one thing we can do."

"I was going to try to find a ladder-"

He was cut off by Maya dumping out a bag of mountain climbing gear. "We climb."


End file.
